ThisAvidPoet

The things I love... The letter K. The letter M. I love what's not there. I love what's right before my eyes. I love you. I love to be smothered. But let me breathe. I love to lay alone with someone at night. I love to cuddle into them. I love to be held. I love to make love. I love to feel and be felt. But don't rush  me. I love to go slow. I love to fix what is broken. I love to try. I love to fail. I love to learn. But most of all... I love nothing and everything all at once.

You want to know how I feel? I'll express it to you in a letter. Ask me to write you out heartfelt paragraphs. I'll tell you everything. Or, they could just be a line or two. Simple words that express to you what's on my mind. It would be from the depths of my heart and pure feeling. Hand written, just for you. Would you like that? I'll write out all these letters and tell you. And then.. I could keep them to myself. Never sent them, but read them over constantly. So you'll know how I feel, but won't at the same time. I'll keep those writings safe for an eternity. Waiting until you say, "I know you have them, let me see." Then

A light touch. A giggle and a hug. Your amazing smile. Or that gorgeous voice. You're sweet. Smart, Reasonable, And funny. I can't get over how you make me feel. You make me blush like no other. Smiling at every text or comment. I love when you call. I love your voice. Seeing you brightens my day. I hope this, Whatever this is. Lasts.

 So I realize that, I have a very scattered mind. No, I don't necessarily like it. One minute, I'm happy as can be, excited about just one person. The next, I'm not good enough, I'm not cut out for love. Or even a simple relationship. It hurts, to know I'm like this. So scared to move forward out of my past. But, I will. Okay? I will do it. I CAN do this. I'm fine. I was always fine. Just a little.. Broken. Here and there. Am I ready to be fixed? I think so. I sewed the broken pieces of my heart back together. All by myself. I did it on my own and pulled myself out of that hole. I almost fell back in. Almost. But

 I'm a horrible person. I'm bad. I'm damaged. Don't come near me. I'll just hurt you. Harm you like I have been. I don't mean to, please know that. I'm not perfect. I'm so unbearably flawed. Stop. Stop saying that. Look at me. Look into my eyes. I am poison. I will just hurt you. I may or may not mean to. Maybe it fuels me. And, if it does? What will you do? Will you just stay and take it? Yes. I want to be happy. But I feel I don't deserve it. Tell me why I do. Maybe. Just maybe. I will reconsider.

 I can't deny. I love the heat. The sweat. The fear. The wide eyes and tears. The blood. The nails. The jaws. Biting and gnashing. Clawing and tearing. The violence someone can bring on in a form of passion. I'll turn this liquor into sweat. This hazy glow into a focused memory. Let me entrance you and I'll show you how it's done. Come to me. Show me the desperation in how you move. I'll tear you down into nothing with these claws of mine. Just you wait. Watch. I'll show you.

I'm not alive. I'm not living. I'm dead inside. So pale. So white. It's time to cry. These doves around me spreading their wings. I hate to see them. But what's it to me? You see no more. The pain is gone. Along with my blood. And regrets forlorn. A sweet, sweet treat. This red, sticky concoction. Splayed out on the ground in what I call a combustion. A puddle of red. A drop of crimson. I'm not alive. I'm not living. I'm dead inside.

It's the way she looks at you. The way she says your name. The curve of her bodice under your fingertips. The gentle kiss she will give just to soothe or calm you. An embrace that can't be replaced. The way she curls up in your arms while sitting together at night. The way she sings you to sleep. That twinkle in her eye, or how her nose twitches when she talks. That soothing tone she uses when she says, "I love you." And means it. How she jokes with you in the cutest of ways. Making those silly promises that you know are truth. Her softness and the way she breathes. Just for me. And that my friends, Is why I want a girl more th

 I lay here in this bed, letting the melody flow around me. A smile shows as I think back. Lovely memories, things you've said. I urge for your arms to be around me. To lay together in this bliss. Exchanging sweet nothings. Letting the moon shine in on us. Your words are my lullaby, your eyes, my night light. I drift off slowly in this embrace. This restful nights sleep. All brought on by your presence. Oh how you send me into limp relaxation. Now, let us rest and reminisce. Forever, stuck in this night.